Fifth Step

Know When to Surrender To surrender is to back down (from what you know is right) = Desist, Give In.
This word is key to a happy marriage. If the two do not give in, the struggle will be constant and problems in the relationship will always exist,
because there will always be decisions that both will have to make,for example,
one wants to have more children, but not the other. One wants to spend the holidays with the relatives, but not the other.
One wants the children to attend private school, the other prefers they go to public school. One thinks it's time to seek couples' advice or become more involved in the church, while the other does not.
So how do you reach a solution? Or come to an agreement? The only consequence of the actual arguments is that both will remain stubborn. But the moment one of you decides to say "I give up my opinion to do your will today",
the discussion will be over. That's why the need to know how to surrender at the right moment. Many times we know we are right,
but giving in, with time, will show the true love between the two and certainly over time this will be much easier, and obviously one does not get married to be happy, but to make the other happy and surrendering is one of the key words to accomplish this.

The most wise and loving thing you can do is to start facing your disagreements with the inclination of not always having to do things your way.
This does not necessarily mean that your spouse is right or being wise about an issue, but it means that you will be taking their opinion into account,
it is a way to appreciate them.Instead of treating your spouse as an enemy or as someone you should beware of, start treating him/her as your best and dearest friend.
Give great importance to their words. Indeed, our greatest example of surrender and true love was our Lord Jesus himself, so
Why not give up our own desires, feelings and wishes for our loved one?
We have two options: being right or making our spouse happy, and more importantly, having a stable relationship or a relationship full of ups and downs.

Learn To Admire

In the beginning, every relationship is full of charm, dating is a beautiful and fascinating stage, our thoughts fly high, especially when we have defined this is the one person we want for our future, we cannot find any flaws, we only see their qualities. But when marriage becomes a daily routine, it is inevitable to see the flaws and there are couples who spend 24 hours a day together, as is the case for my husband and I, it is rare for us not to be together.
Even when we see the flaws, it is necessary to learn to admire our beloved one.
We must highlight a few points:
* Use words that show your love and admiration in order to maintain that initial charm
* Always flatter them, use positive words to give them strength every day
* Strengthen your marriage every day, thru friendship, companionship and understanding
* It is very important to resolve any dispute as quickly as possible to avoid the lack of communication
* Dialogue is very important in a marriage, always set aside time to talk, ask her how the work day went, ask if you can help with anything, any difficulties they encountered, etc ...
* Admire their talent, beauty, behavior, etc ... in other words, admire the qualities your spouse has.
* Try to think more about their positive attributes than their negative ones -
Wasting your time thinking about their insults, past mistakes, bad habits or bad decisions will only lead to a decay of your marriage, the person who has the presence of God will, in these times, make the right direction to act and avoid these thoughts, using wisdom and spiritual judgment to overcome all their differences.

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:22-24)

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (Ephesians 5:25-28)

Third step: Learn to Lose, Even If You Are Right

Differences between two people in a marriage will always exist, what will help you remain is for one person to give in. And in most cases, that person has to be the wife. Because men will hardly give in, this is human nature, he is in charge, the leader, and biblically speaking, man was not created from woman, but it was the woman who was created from the rib of man, in other words, man's position is and always will be the head. Often women, who do not have a daily relationship with God, lose the opportunity to avoid fights, arguments, unnecessary disagreements, just because they want to be in the same position as the man. Not that a woman should be stepped on, humiliated and remain silent, no... But maintain her position which should be: submissive.
Being submissive leads us to take actions that will help us in our daily relationship:
1) An important rule: Treat your spouse the way you want to be treated (see Luke 6:31).
2) Treat your husband the same way or better than others: Be as kind to your spouse as you are to strangers or to your coworkers.
3) Do what is asked: Consider what your husband or wife asks you to do or not to do. If in doubt, ask. But always do whatever is asked of you.

Love is not irritated under stress. Small problems do not become major conflicts. The truth is that love does not get angry or hurt unless there is a legitimate and righteous reason under God.
A loving husband remains calm and patient, showing mercy and control of his temper. Anger and violence are out of the question. A loving wife is not too sensitive or moody, but maintains control over her emotions. She prefers to be a flower among the thorns and responds calmly when facing difficult situations.
If you are in love, you are reason for joy, not pain. Ask yourself: "Am I a gentle breeze or a storm waiting to happen?"

"Apply your heart to instruction and your ears to words of knowledge." Proverbs 23:12

The Second Step to Maintaining a Happy Marriage

Let us go to the second step that helps maintain a marriage:

Adaptation

Not only in marriage, but in everyday life we relate to people of different class, levels and education.

For example, in marriage, a husband marries his wife. He is 30 years old and she is 27 years old. For 30 years, he has his own customs, ways and habits. The same with her; she has a different upbringing, customs, habits, etc... Just imagine how it will be in the beginning?
Certainly with difficulties; discovering each other, depending on each other, learning to deal with their differences and habits.
* For example, before the money was only his, now he will need to divide it.
* The young woman who had someone do everything for her, will now have to do everything for her husband and herself
* Before the relationship was all flowers, he was romantic, had nice words for her, always gave her gifts, etc... Now the young man is more reasonable, and the young woman, as always, sentimental forgets that in time this will all change. It's not that it won’t happen again, but certainly less often than before.

And when you get to this point, a mistake tends to occur with some couples: They only see the flaws. They blame each other, say unpleasant things and eventually the marriage is destroyed. Only seeing each other’s mistakes, that’s how it starts and then it is hard to go back. That’s why it is very important for women to seek wisdom in God during the adaptation stage; to speak at the appropriate time, to be loving, to think more about giving than receiving, to look for the presence of God, and little by little, the adaptation is happening, and every day she will overcome a different situation and learn to depend on God.
If we look for flaws in others, we will surely find many, but will also find many qualities. In life, there are always situations and their analysis will depend on our vision and relationship with God. There are situations that exist only in our minds and in our eyes. When we try to look at things from another angle, everything changes and you have another perception, we have another point of view.
It is difficult to express love when there is little or no reason. But love, in its essence, is not based on feelings. Rather, it is the nature of love to be considerate and caring, even when it seems that there is no reward. Demonstrating affection when your spouse does not expect it, will awaken a lot of love in the relationship and undo all the negative that exists between the two, but you will need action.

"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." (Proverbs 14:1)

Key Steps to Maintain a Marriage

I have received emails asking for guidance in relation to marriage, marital problems, married relationships, etc. Taking into account the need to address this issue because many people get married but have great difficulty in staying married. They love each other, but their daily relationship is compromised by the lack of some key steps that really helps us to maintain a happy marriage. Everyone knows it’s not hard to get married; it’s hard to stay married.

Before the first step, I wanted to share with you a phrase that I heard which blessed me:
"Do not get married to be happy, but to make someone else happy"

Several steps will be addressed:

First step: Patience

What does this mean?

Patience is the virtue that bears evil and wrongdoings without whining or rebellion, the quality of those who calmly wait. That is when you are patient with your spouse, you demonstrate discretion, instead of taking an eye for an eye, you take control of your emotions instead of them controlling you.
For example, most of the time when a spouse does something to displease the other, the will of the flesh is to get payback and do the same, for example: He cheated, so she then cheats, he doesn’t praise her, so she doesn’t praise him, he doesn’t pay attention to her, so she doesn’t pay attention to him, but we have discovered that patience is the best medicine, because taking an eye for an eye will not solve your problems, otherwise nobody would get married in this world.
On the other hand, patience makes us wise. She is not quick to judge, but listens to what the other person is saying. It is very important to learn to listen before reaching hasty conclusions that you will regret later. Be patient, listen first, and then talk. It is better to hold your tongue than to say something you might regret later. Because he who speaks sows and he who listens reaps. Many of the things you say today, you probably will forget by tomorrow, but the person who hears it from you, will never forget, and this will produce deep scars and disappointments that could lead to separation, i.e., our words can cause life or death depending on how we use them.
Same way the lack of patience will turn your home into a war zone, the practice of patience will stimulate peace and harmony.
Wise men and women will see patience as an essential ingredient in marriage.
This is a good starting point to demonstrate true love.
The Bible says: "Whoever is patient has great understanding, but the one who is quick-tempered displays folly" (Proverbs 14:29). "A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel" (Proverbs 15:18).